Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The Outback Chronicles: Complain, party of everyone.

A table for Complain, party of everyone, is now ready to be seated.

Despite the fact that this post might be slightly contradictory, I have to touch on the ever-present fact that I can't complete one shift at work without someone's panties getting in a twist about something completely irreverent and retarded. Not to say Outback Steakhouse is of grave importance, but for the love of all things Holy - shut up. Take off your tiara, and shut up.

The serving staff at the OB is beginning to resemble my 7th grade athletics locker room while everyone was getting ready for school, for a number of reasons:

  1. Every conversation sounds like a herd of catty girls, seeking out their victim.
  2. Every conversation is dripping with complaints and whines that it makes my ears bleed.
  3. Every conversation makes me want to slaughter baby elephants.
  4. Every conversation has the intelligence level of moss.
  5. It smells like body odor, mass amounts of cheap perfume to masque said body odor, and onions.
Disclaimer: I can't say that my mouth has been completely void of bitches and moans, but I feel like mine are justified and erroneous, as they are the kind of complaints that while you're complaining other people interrupt you to cry about something they find to be more important. I complain about how horribly I'm sweating, how I'd rather wear a jacket made of a man's toenails than wait on a table full of cheap highschoolers, and how I should stop eating large spoonfuls of the garlic mashed potatoes... but don't. 

But as I mentioned with the hostess stand chronicle, it seems that people make the time to complain about shit no one wants to hear. They start complaining the moment they step foot into the faux-Aussie dining establishment. This is what I hear: "Blah blah, my section sucks, my apron's dirty, I have to close?! Blah blah, I got soooo wastey faced last night I feel like shit why did Gabe schedule me? Ugh, blah blah, I'm fat, I don't want to work, my tables are assholes, why am I not getting tipped? Blah, Omg [insert name of innocent bystander at work who happened to be in the line-of-gossip] is such a flaming dick bag, blah blah BLAH." 

Drama is so unbecoming, and I'm being encompassed by it nightly. I'm just shy of spreading nasty, sex-related rumors about everyone who bitches at work. It has the potential to backfire. I'll let you know how it goes.