Me: "Well, I'm getting married in November."
Client/Vendor/Passerby: "Ohhhhh my gosh! Congratulations! How exciting! Show me the ring!!!"
Me: (After they realize I have no ring to present) "Well, we're not engaged, per se."
Client/Vendor/Passerby: "...oh..." (Updates Facebook check-in to say "with Insane Wannabe Bride")
Embarrassment and justification ensues.
Now, though, I have tangible proof of my upcoming nuptials. And a story to back it up! Let's relive last night, shall we? I know you're itching to find out details.
T'was the night before Friday, and all through the apartment, not a thing was suspicious - not even my roommate...ment. As we're sitting on our couch that rests upon cinder blocks, Erin hopped up and decided to clean the bathroom, a feat she never voluntarily tackles. But you know, I cleaned that hair-laden vinyl hell last time so it was her turn. Needless to say, I didn't think anything of it.
Later, I will find out that she confessed to a thread of Facebook friends of mine that if she cleans more than one entity of our home in one sitting that I will become suspicious, due in part to the blatant fact that Erin cleans about twice a year.
After about 45 minutes of thorough scrubbing, she re-emerges in the living room, removes her rubber gloves and notifies me that Lennald (boyfriend's nickname) would like to go on a double date to South Congress Cafe on Friday night. She said that Gerry was already on board.
"Sure," I said, "I hope Gerry feels like paying as I have $36 dollars in my bank account." (I'm already petitioning to get a sponsored blog called "How to have a wedding for $20 dollars," so I'm obviously living out my blogging ambition...)
The Friday workday came and went, as usual. And I headed home to get changed for dinner at 7:30.
Sidenote: On the one hand, I love surprises. But on the other hand, I love ruining surprises. Permanently skeptical, I never snoop (cop out) but I thoroughly enjoy probing. I suppose I see this is a true testament to whether or not my friends and family love me as much as they say they do. I mean, it must be love if they plan and scheme for days and weeks just to fool me for one single moment. It's fun to be friends with a pain in the ass, isn't it?
Dinner ensued. I couldn't decide what I wanted to eat, wound up not choosing the scallops, poked Gerry's "keys" (ring box) at one point in the evening because he was wearing what appeared to be jeggings and it seemed his "keys" (ring box) were breaking skin. "Those are my keys you idiot!" says Gerry. Slight overreaction, but nothing out of the ordinary for that high-tempered New Yorker. Erin's texting feverishly through dinner, Lenny becomes condescending. Thus far this is shaping up to be a totally normal, completely standard hangout.
After I was rolled out of the booth, Erin wanted to snap some photos outside of the cafe. Still nothing to be suspicious about. What would have been suspicious, however, was if I had actually seen Katie Huddleston roaming around the front of the giant cafe window like a little lost puppy. Which, she was doing. But, alas, I didn't. And she made it to her destination in the nick of time.
Erin and I did our usual 8 rounds of photos because one is never enough, and she encouraged Gerry and I to take one. I'm never opposed to documenting moments, so document away. Round 1 of picture-taking happened. Erin said, "Do you want another one?", then presented Gerry with a fierce batch of wide "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" eyes. Right as we started round 2 of picture-taking, Gerry fell to the ground at such a rate I thought his leg might have been sliced off. I started to help him off the ground when I realized he was down on one knee.
With an open black velvet box. With an open black velvet box with a shiny ring inside of it.
"Is this a joke?" I said.
"Wait, you guys, is this real!?" I reiterated.
Skepticism first rushed into me because for the last month, my father has been pushing Gerry to go buy a Walmart ring and to "get the job done". And, might I add, I had just spoken with the designer and she said the ring was still in the process.
After my brows un-furrowed, and after Gerry got done silently sitting on the ground, I put the ring on my finger. Jumping, screaming, hugging, and kissing (sorry, no crying) immediately followed. Then I heard a group of people scream something indecipherable from across the street. Staring at my hand, then back at Gerry, then back at my hand, I made my way across the street only to greet the familiar faces of Whitney, Katie, Whitley, Andrew, and a double-fisting hobo standing too close to Katie. I hugged everyone (even the hobo) our of sheer excitement and then began my round of phone calls to alert my loved ones.
All the while still staring at my hand.
Most of you know me. Therefore, most of you aren't surprised to find out that we've already booked a date, venue, taken care of the food, dress designer, officiant, our wedding stationary, hair and makeup. DJ, florist and dessert appointments are next week. What? While I had to endure a few months of crazy eyes and awkward conversation, it's nice not to have to hit the ground running!
All of you are invited. But only like 150-175 of you can eat. See you November 30th!