I come from a land down under.

Let's just clear this muddy water:

• "G'day mate!" is a very real and very frequented phrase.
• The toilets do, in fact, flush a different direction.
• They really do eat kangaroos. 
• Women shaving is an option. And I'm opting out. 
• Putting things on a "barbie" is also real. 

In fact, slang and abbreviations are what makes the Australian dialect. Let me introduce to you and define a few terms I've heard in the last few days:

• To root = to have sex.
• Daggy = natural/bohemian/down-to-earth style.
• Zed = z.
• Mossies = mosquitos.
• On the tune = talking to someone.
• Good onya = way to go.
• Spit the dummy = pitch a fit.
• Keen = to like something.
• Nananap = a power nap.
• Bathers/cossie = bathing suits.
• Singlet = a tank top.
• Poppa  = a juice box.
• Puss puss = cat.
• Fair dinkum = are you serious?/a sweet situation.
• Spewing = to be upset.
• Heaps = lots.
• Posi on the cue = place in line.

It's been a riot trying to decipher the slang that my family uses in their sentences. If context clues fail, I just blatantly ask what the hell they said. Most inquiries are followed by laughter. Pictured below is our room. Yep. It's an oversized closet with an escape route. It's quaint, but it works. I just need to find a place for all my American shit, so I can bring in my Australian shit.

So far Katie and I have been going non-stop since we got here not 4 days ago. Our flight here was "brilliant" as they would say; it was the fastest and smoothest 15 hour plane ride ever. Despite my being temporarily vegan, I managed to eat delicious bean salads and breads and jams on the plane, and gave my meals to the Aussie that was sitting with us. He was both pleasant and informative and snored like a train. And! The 21st century has done a wonderful job of providing entertainment for long-term travellers. We watched new release movies and played video games with each other on our own personal screens. But we still weren't allowed to have our phones on? I don't know.

Immediately upon arrival we went to the beach. My cousin looks like a fit little aborigine, so going to the beach with her was nothing short of an insecure trip. But it was still aesthetically pleasing. We walked from Bondi beach to Tamarama beach to Bronte beach. There, we had a snack at one of the seaside cafes where we remembered that Australia doesn't tip their waiters and waitresses. Instead, they get paid $20 dollars an hour. Bonus! Mainly because normal lunch plates are $18 bucks. F that. Fun fact: everyone in Australia gets a month off of work, regardless of your profession. And, if you don't feel like using your brain for your career - it doesn't matter. You can be a garbage man and still make about $90k.

Then the next day we went to Coogee beach. Where I successfully got a sunburn and saw about 4 sets of boobs. Tanning topless is a norm. And I will be participating.

We watched fireworks on the Harbour and it was melt-your-face kick ass. Everyone in Sydney is either extremely happy, drunk or both. So the company was nothing short of perfect. Plus, my uncle is the happiest person alive. So everything was "beauuuuutiful."

And today we went to the horse races. I didn't wear a goofy-ass hat, but I did make some bets. I won $3000 dollars!


Just kidding.


I lost $20.

But it was a fun experience. They had rent-a-straightener machines in the bathroom. And giant sharps containers in each stall. Evidently, shooting up while you're dropping logs is socially acceptable. Not to mention sanitary. 

From what I can conclude from my first few days:

Australia > America.