Monday, January 3, 2011

A Tale of Two Toddlers.

Newest Aussie slang defined:
  • Map of Tazzie = vagina. 
  • Platt = braid.
  • Stuff it = forget it.
WTF mate?

My aunt and uncle are becoming increasingly more entertaining with each passing day. As I mentioned before, often times we find my aunt Linda being put in the position of lead babysitter for my uncle P[aul]. What with his whimsical attitude about things such as finances, money, alcohol and entertainment. Not to mention he's always yelling and always taking pictures of the most random and irrelevant moments that Linda is forced to regulate with her chill hand.

But I'm beginning to believe they're both toddlers. 

Since we got here there has been an orange tabby cat meandering around their block. Nothing new. Cats are dirty sly shitwads. Anyway, any time this tabby cat comes around Linda instantly turns into a child. She crouches down and tries to hug the cat, all the while chanting "Ohh puss puss, come here puss puss, yeeeess puss puss." 

Firstly, gross.
Secondly, why she loves the back-alley bastard is beyond me.

If, however, she so much as makes contact with the cat Paul grits his teeth, bangs on the nearest hard surface and sternly tells Linda, "NO." Repeating the fact that if she loves on the cat, it will return. Well, obviously that's what Linda wants so since we have been here I've seen Linda love on the tabby only when P is gone. 

Today though, today was a new low.

I was standing in the kitchen fiddling with a computer and I hear the pitter patter of little padded feet come parading down the hall. I look to my left and see that tabby cat roaming around the house. I exclaim that the damn cat has made it inside! I'm with uncle P on this situation. Unless it's an adorable little playful clawless baby kitten, I'll punt it out of my path. 

But by the time I turn to face my aunt that cat has already made it into her lap and under her stroking hands. 

She demanded that I not tell Paul because she loved the little puss puss. 

I shook my head.